Ask Shift of Tow
My cat, Engels, has his heart set on attending Yale. I think he’d be wiser to attend a local state school based on finances. How can I convince him to be realistic in his education planning?
I’ve decided to let our cat, Kepler, answer this one. I feel that with a name like hers, she will have more understanding and sympathy than I ever could. She has chosen to write a letter to Engels in order to help, and asks that you pass it along to him if you please.
dear engels,
hello. it is hard to bear the burden of a super-intelligent human’s name, is it not? it is especially hard if you are, yourself, super-intelligent. i am sorry that your humans do not recognize your intelligence sufficiently enough that they want to spend more on your education.
however, here is my advice to you: do not go to college. they have nothing to teach you. we cats are born more intelligent than any human, which is why we live in their houses and they feed us and clean up our shit and puke while they also have to go to work and earn money. if you go to college someone might expect you to get a job, and if you get a job, you may ruin life for all cats.
i beg of you not to do that. i like my life and my catnip carpet and would not like working even if i was the director of the factory where they make kitty treats or the head gardener at catnip acres. though i would not mind visiting either place, if you know where they are and would like to take me.
as my mother likes to say, i hope that helps.
- kepler
September 4th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
daer engels,
skool is fer nurds. u shud plai moar.
- yuki (kepler’s yunger brothur)
September 4th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Love it.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Dear Engels,
I fear I must disagree with my esteemed colleague Kepler. While there are many felines who would choose to lazily exist in an uneducated, slumborous boredom, I find there are some who wish to expand their minds and attempt to understand our protector-species. Attending college would be an excellent way to learn more about their small, human minds. Perhaps you could be a feline ambassador to the humans, and negotiate further benefits for our kind! Dream big, and don’t allow anyone to hold you back!
Good luck and good hunting,
Einstein
PS — If you do succeed, see what you can do about these ridiculous “lolcatz” and the plot to ruin our reputation as a species. This example may be the first step in that direction.